Want to succeed at something big? Stop caring so much.

Tyler Lea was an aspiring actor from North Carolina. Like many other aspiring actors, he moved to New York City straight from college to chase his big dream of making it onto Broadway. The reality is that the odds are slim and the chances of success are exceedingly low to ever get a gig on Broadway, let alone any paying gig, given the stiff competition in this city. All you can do is prepare as much as possible and hope you can be in the right place at the right time.

Fortunately for Tyler, one of those situations seemed to appear. He was invited to audition for The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, a play on Broadway about a fifteen-year-old who is exceptionally intelligent but ill-equipped to interpret everyday life. The lead actor was leaving the show, opening up an exciting opportunity for someone new and potentially unknown to take over. Were he able to score this role, it would be a game changer for his career. It was a huge and demanding role, and one that would have defined Tyler’s career moving forward.

Understanding what was at stake, Tyler prepared thoroughly for his auditions and excitedly went into the first audition with nervousness and confidence. He did his job, performed as well as he could, and to his surprise and joy, received a callback. He continued the process and received another callback. And another callback. Progressing as he had hoped, he was eventually notified that he made it to the final callbacks. Obviously, he was making a good impression!

It was in this interim that he and I chatted. He was updating me on his life and shared the good news about his audition, only he couldn’t stop thinking and ruminating about the opportunity. He found it brought him a lot of anxiety. He shared that it was likely he would really fuck up that last audition. 

I could sense he was incredibly nervous and that he wasn't sure how he was going to perform in that final callback. So, just after he finished telling me how vulnerable and uncertain he felt, I paused and said with a straight face:

“You're probably not going to get the part.”

His literal response:

I immediately continued:

“I mean, honestly Tyler, what are your chances? There's a ton of competition and who are you to come in there?”

His face:

At this point, I started to smirk and then we laughed uproariously. He knows me well—I’m definitely someone who would say something shocking like that for the laugh.

But, in this situation, it was more than about the laugh. I told him, there’s truth to this. You’ve got to go in without such high expectations.

I continued on to wish him well, but made a big point that goes beyond just his situation: 

You have way more control over the power a situation holds than you realize.

You can either choose to face a mountain ahead of you or you can choose to face a molehill. It’s your choice. We often just don’t grasp that it is in our control.

Do you have something you’re intimidated by? Something very important to you? Something you want more than anything? 

Is it a job? A partner? A race?

What is your mountain?

Again, I want to make sure you really want it. Something that is super important to you. Something that makes you nervous. Something that gets in your way a lot. Something that is intimidating.

I want you to see your mountain.

In all of these situations, the same rules apply. So listen to my voice:

You’re not going to get that job.

You’re not going to get that person.

You’re not going to win that race.

Feel the defeat. Really feel it. And see that mountain start to vanish. See it fade away. Feel the intimidation minimized because it’s not something you ‘re facing anymore. I want you to let the air out.

Now, turn on it. It’s probably not going to happen, so who cares? Why not just go for it? Why the fuck not?

Just do it.

I encouraged Tyler to go and have fun. To do what he does best. To go into it knowing that much of it is out of his control. To stop thinking about it.

My parting comment, delivered with a big smile: “Break a leg, Tyler!!”

And then my smile dropped and I said with a straight face: “You’re probably not gonna get it.”

We laughed.

The exciting part? This actually works. Tyler got the job.