The power of past experience

Gremlins are the most detrimental blocks to us taking action, without fail. They’re personal, they’re conniving, and they’re dangerous for our wellbeing. But they’re not the only thing that gets in the way.

The next 2 blogs will be part of a series of the next 3 big things that stop us from having the life we want. Today, we’re going to look at assumptions.

This is not the assumption you’re probably recalling now. Most people associate it with being pre-judged. As in, you assume I have complete confidence in everything I do because of how I speak or write. Or that others assume you’re happy because you’re successful. Sure, these are assumptions, but I want to talk about the ones that hinder your progress more personally.

When we experience a negative situation or a time we fail, it can leave a lasting impression on us. Take learning a sport you were not good at. I can’t count the times I’ve heard someone say, “Oh, I’m no good at that.” For me, it was basketball. I seemingly had two left feet. I couldn’t dribble for the life of me. I never excelled when playing with friends. I found the entire experience a negative one. And so, I would forever share with folks: “Sports aren’t for me.”

That belief is not only ingrained in me, but it is an experience that manifested repeatedly: in PE classes, in games with friends growing up, even in attending sporting events. Any time I engaged in or witnessed something physical, I found it hard to enjoy myself. What’s the point?

This is an assumption. The belief here is that, because it happened that way before, it is always going to happen that way again.

See how it can get you?

You failed at picking up a crush at a bar once. ∴ “I can’t flirt.”

You blew up at someone that triggered an insecurity of yours. ∴ “I can’t control my anger.”

You fought repeatedly with a roommate. ∴ “I can’t live with anyone.”

You were made fun of as a kid during a middle school presentation. ∴ “I can’t speak in public.”

Another way of looking at this is being haunted by past experiences. Understandable paradigm! I mean, you had a real, literal experience that led to this thought. So how you counteract this?

The future is changeable.

Remind yourself of the truth: Just because it happened that way before doesn’t mean that it will happen that way again.

Say that to yourself again and again. And again. And again.

Because that’s entirely the truth.

Failure is a part of life.

How do you think anyone got to where they are? By failing. Failure is the key to success. In fact, if you think about it, every expert, and I mean every 👏 expert 👏 failed many times, over and over and over and over, to become the expert they are. It’s how they became the go-to resource person. They learned what not to do.

Even you experienced this with learning to walk. Or riding a bike. Or chewing with your mouth closed (....I hope.) It’s all a part of the growing process.

You’re a different person.

With every experience, we all learn and grow. So don’t assume (ha!) that you’re the same person you were the last time it happened. One of the most powerful realizations my clients experience is the belief and understanding that all of this is a huge illusion. The idea that we are limited by our heads is only as powerful as we allow it to be. Want to experience it differently? Then act differently. Try, try, and try again. Be brave.

You’re not the same person you were at 12 years old. Nor 12 years ago. Nor 12 weeks ago. Nor 12 hours ago.

You’re brand new right now.

So fuck the past and create your future.

You got this.