How to stop obsessing
One of the biggest benefits of meditation for me has been becoming aware of my ability to free my mind from previous obsessions. That’s a pinnacle achievement for me! I’m what you would call a “catastrophizer”. It’s real. I’m a master obsessor!
A catastrophizer is someone who has the tendency to blueprint the worst case scenarios of any situation. It is often well-meaning and intended for protection against unintended consequences, but it can lead to unintended anxious thoughts. For me, I most often obsess over my own personal health. 😒 Without much effort, my mind will take any unidentifiable feeling to the most extreme (often an untimely death, cuz what else?). Naturally, this raises my anxiety level and leaves me feeling uncomfortable throughout an entire day. It suuuuuucks.
Thankfully, I have learned a tool to manage this anxiety. I’ll call it mind control.
(I mean, that would be a great magic trick if I were able to do that…)
What I’ve learned through meditation is that I have the freedom to not attach to thoughts. I can let them wander through my brain without paying close attention to it. These unhelpful thoughts enter my brain like a drunk person clumsily walking by. Imagine that person, stumbling into your view, trying to grasp things along the way. I’m not trying to associate myself with that person unless they were to crash into me. So be gone, drunk person! When they’re gone, I can breathe a sigh of relief. It works similarly with your thoughts. Don’t engage–let the thought do it’s thing, stumble on by, and out of your attention.
One of my latest chapters of catastrophizing, and certainly the most devastating, occurred during the discovery of my mortality in 2018. At some level, I had been in denial about my pending death. Prior to that moment,I had essentially convinced myself that I would live forever! You’ll never get rid of me!!! Reality hit me hard and I had to get a grip on viewing the world through this new paradigm. It was not only an unpleasant and numbing experience, but my obsession with death has lingered. I occasionally find myself ruminating during inopportune moments and situations and I lose my focus. Simply said, it is not good, yo.
What the whole experience taught me, though, was that I was not doomed to this line of thinking perpetually. Here’s my take on my obsessive thoughts:
My brain needed to make space for these new thoughts. There was no fast track for this. The bookshelf of my brain had collapsed. Seeing that they weren’t compatible with my old beliefs, I needed time to rebuild and reorganize.
They have had less and less impact over time. I never forgot when my therapist used the word “bored” here. It totally makes sense. An unpleasant thought handled healthily gets boring. It’s not going anywhere, it’s not getting better, and it’s not changing, so *yawn*, it’s the perfect thing to get bored by. 🥱
I have the ability to not tune in. There are times I witness these thoughts show up, but I actively make the effort to ignore or pretend they are not there. I wouldn’t call this avoidant in that I appreciate the expression of uncomfortable feelings and emotions. Instead, it’s that I’ve created a time and space for these feelings. For me, it’s times with my therapist. I have created a mental space for these moments. Just knowing I have that time coming up allows me to be more in tune during other, less appealing times for my emotions to arise.
A big gift of meditation is “mind control”. Most of us have little control over what we think about. What we have the ability to control is our reaction to it. As a result of not engaging or tuning in, we’re experiencing a bit of mind control, in the best way possible! It’s all a win!
My hope is that you’ll feel some empowerment from this. You’re not doomed to drowning. Or numbness. Or depression. It may be your first inclination, but it’s not your final destination. It may take the help of a therapist or a trusted friend, but you can make progress. And you’re certainly not alone in feeling troubled by this. 🙋♂️
Your ability to obsess is also a gift! But that’ll be part of a future blog. 😉
