How to overcome irrational fears

Irrational fears are so dumb!

Unlike legitimate fears, irrational ones manifest something that feels very real, causing our body to react to them. But when push comes to shove, there's nothing in reality to be afraid of. I can hear some of you now:

Tell my brain that!

Well, guess what? That's exactly what we're about to do.

Take my own life situation with health anxiety. I had a impossibly strong fear of being in tight social situations because, OMG, what if something were to happen to me and I was in a crowd and I couldn’t get out fast enough? Would I make it to the hospital in time? Would me trying to force my way through the crowd stop me from getting the help I needed? And, if I didn't actually die, would I die from embarrassment from rushing out and causing a scene?  Would my panic attack about dying cause another panic attack due to embarrassment?

I mean, probably. 

I distinctly remember one time when I went to watch the musical Hairspray on Broadway with my lovely friend, Jennifer Nelson. Even though I was the one to get the tickets, I could hardly keep my cool as I sat in the middle of a long claustrophobic row, near the front, with nearly every audience member behind me. Broadway theaters are notoriously tiny and, as a six-foot-three giant, I was not very comfortable in those tiny seats, let alone as someone dealing with unpredictable panic attacks. It didn’t help that if I did anything weird, the whole audience would notice. And probably the actors on the stage. 

But, I knew the data. I knew the science of getting over panic was exposure therapy. I could have started the slow way, which is exposure over time, but that’s where my inner confidence (...or inner annoyance) comes in. I don't have the patience to go through exposure therapy over time. I want to feel better NOW (or as soon as possible). So when I have a fear, I dig right in. For my panic, I went to the extreme and put myself in situations that were incredibly fearful. That night, I sat down in that row and, well, I freaked out. I started to sweat. My heart raced. That caused further panic. I shifted in my seat. My eyes darted. I visualized how embarrassing it would be to get up. I visualized it four or five times.

But I didn't get up. I stayed sitting down. I eventually calmed down and I survived. And, you know what, my brain heard it. I did it, I was okay, I could do it again. 

This is the power of coaching.

It is in coaching that we demand action, even when there is fear in the way. Fear can only survive in the dark, so as soon as the fear is brought to light, something has to change. Either a new fear needs to be created or the fear will start to magically dissipate. 

That's the fun part of this work for me. I not only believe in the action but I've seen the action create results. And I have example after example after example of this kind of facing fear in my own life. 

I've had a panic attack in my mom's car. 

I've had a panic attack on a plane. 

I've had a panic attack during a workout class. 

I wasn't actually going deaf whenever I smoked weed that one time. (LOL) 

And I've had many more, but through it all, I survived. My brain slowly (too slowly for me) but surely learned that this fear was unfounded. Whatever I was feeling wasn't going to kill me, despite what my Gremlin was telling me. And now I rarely deal with panic. My brain gets it.

The same holds true for you. Whatever irrational fear that is standing in your way doesn't have a great chance of withstanding working together with me. Irrational fears are just that, irrational. Knowing that this work works and is powerful will help keep you in the driver seat of your life. And having the support of someone who gets it just helps you that much more.

What irrational fears are holding you back?