How to overcome anxiety
Let's talk about anxiety.
It is my belief that anxiety is one of the worst feelings anyone can experience. It is equally victimizing and terrifying and, worst of all, there is little you can do in the moment about it. Often, the terror will not let up until the anxiety runs its course. I know firsthand.
For some, the effect of anxiety is a perpetual nagging and unpleasant feeling. For others, it manifests in powerful and fear-packed panic attacks. Either way, wherever on the spectrum it is, anxiety prevents clear thinking and positive feelings, leaving only a shell of a person. So, to me, it's pure evil incarnate.
This is why I say, FUCK YOU ANXIETY!!!!
Here’s Mr. Rogers flipping off anxiety:
Anxiety is just our brains playing tricks on us. Here we are, thinking that we have everything under control and, SURPRISE, our brain has discovered a way to put us in an unnecessary and unproductive state. It's the worst!
When I work with clients who have anxiety, they often report to me that they feel victim to these feelings. They unsuccessfully try to fight the anxiety and wish it would go away. I've listened as my clients report that their current level of anxiety is higher than they’ve ever felt it before. They had better clarity and calmness when they were younger but, with age, this anxiety overtook confidence and inner strength they could previously channel. They say they’re not as resilient nor as powerful as they believe they can be. Ugh!
It's a soul-sucking experience during heightened anxiety.
The biggest mistake people make when trying to fight anxiety is, well, trying to fight it. They think they can outmaneuver the anxiety in the same way they outmaneuver a lot of other struggles in their life. Being an overachiever is a lifetime of overcoming obstacles and performing successfully in various ways, so it only makes sense that using those overachieving tools to overcome the anxiety should also work, shouldn't it? It is an understandable frame of reference but, unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Anxiety is a different beast and must be treated differently.
Most people that try to “fight it” and realize it doesn’t work, turn to ignoring it. Before anxiety takes them over the overload threshold, the anxiety tends to hover at either low intensity or it is episodic. It is therefore understandable that avoiding having to deal with the cause seems like a good temporary solution. Well…..it is a good temporary solution, but it's not a good long-term solution. Not only is avoidance only a temporary workaround, avoidance is also, in effect, adding to the closet of anxiety. What you're inadvertently telling your brain is that the anxiety closet is not worth cleaning out and therefore, it is acceptable to keep piling on more things into the closet of anxiety, giving it more weight and making it harder to close the door. And then, worst of all, the door to the closet, labeled in large caps with the word, “ANXIETY”, begets more anxiety each time you pass it. Soon enough, you'll find that just having anxiety creates more anxiety. COME ON!!! 😂😂😂
This is not the path to freedom!
Before I share some ideas toward a solution, I want to make one thing clear: I am not a licensed psychotherapist. I am only a Certified Professional Life Coach (😉) that has dealt with (and successfully overcome) repeated panic attacks! I can speak from experience that overcoming anxiety is not only possible, but sustainable. I personally get very excited to work with my clients on this because the rewards are so impactful.
Here are the steps I suggest to overcome:
Understand anxiety.
Calm your body.
Calm your mind.
Use your therapist.
Relearn the truth.
Understand anxiety.
Anxiety is like your annoying older sibling. It probably knows a little too much about you and knows all of the right triggers to press. Sometimes, it is actually smarter than you and is always irritatingly very personal. Stupid sibling!! So let’s dig a little deeper.
Anatomically, it is helpful to understand where this comes from. Just like your dogs and cats, we have a reptilian brain. This reptilian brain was helpful back in the days when we were still hunters and gatherers, living in smaller societies and tribes, and still keenly aware that any random animal views us as prey. If we found ourself in some sort of danger, our adrenaline would pump up, which would turn on our fight or flight mode. We're sweating, our heartbeat is rapid, and we suddenly have an inordinate amount of energy, making us temporary superhumans.
While this is incredibly useful in a dangerous situation in the middle of the woods, it is certainly not as relevant or helpful whenever we are emailing our supervisor or offering a presentation or in a typical social situation. Like, what the f***? What use is it right now when the two options are to fight or to run away. You're not going to punch your boss, are you? I mean, maybe you want to punch your boss, but that's not what we're going to do in this situation, right?
…..right?
Calm your body.
When the situation actually arrives where you're feeling anxiety, the first step is to calm your body down. Once your adrenaline starts pumping, there's not much you can do to stop that process. Just like taking a puff of weed, the effects don't hit you instantly. They slowly build up over the next few minutes after you've taken that puff. It's the same thing with adrenaline. Once the gates are open, you're going to feel the effects, so then it's a matter of dampening them from this point forward, which still may mean there is a short-term temporary increase in energy.
A few physical things you can do range from the obvious, like leaving the room, to the simplest, like monitoring your breath, breathing consciously and purposefully in a calm manner. What you’re doing is showing your body that things are going to be okay. If you're in a situation where you can move or change things, do something that is not anxiety-inducing so that you can distract yourself into a more calm state.
Calm your mind.
The next part is to work on calming your mind.
Remember that you aren't actually in a life threatening situation. A gun to your face is a life threatening situation. Being in the middle of an ocean without a life raft and no island nearby is a life threatening situation. Being dressed as a seal on a glacier with a bear chasing you is a life threatening situation. (Don’t dress like a seal when in Greenland.)
Remind yourself some of the truths about life instead of believing a lot of the stories you've been telling yourself.
Reporting to another imperfect human being who has opinions is not a life threatening situation. Sure, there are things at stake, but you will survive.
Speaking to a group of people may cause anxiety, but it's not a life-threatening situation. You might embarrass yourself, but failure is the pathway to getting better at things. Again, you will survive.
Being in a room of lots of people may have traditionally been anxiety-inducing, but it's not life-threatening. Honestly, most people aren't as good as you, so why are you scared of them?
Repeat a mantra that is true such as “I am present” or “I am here now”. Grounding yourself in reality will also help you stop putting yourself in a situation that is not now. Anxieties live in the past we recorded in our memory or in the future we created in our mind. Neither of these are actually now so stay in the moment of now.
Finally, and one of the most powerful tips is this:
This too shall pass. Nothing lasts forever.
This feeling you are experiencing may feel all consuming at the moment, but it will not always be this way. So let it run its course and then move on.
My favorite long-term tip here is to use a meditation app such as Calm or Headspace. I found a lot of peace in allowing myself to become more mindful. It is the equivalent of working out your mind the same way going to the gym helps work out your body.
Consider this: the same way that clouds move through the sky and the sky is never the same twice, so too is your brain. Your brain will never have the same “cloud” formation. One thing you can always know is that the clouds will pass. It is your choice whether or not to fixate on the cloud pattern or not.
Use your therapist.
A lot of people make comparisons between therapists and life coaches with the best of intentions. We aren't in the same category but there is an overlap. One easy way to help differentiate is to understand that the therapist wants to know the background story. They want you to talk about your past, your upbringing, your parents, and everything else that helped formulate your life. These are very relevant pieces of conversation that help uncover and peel the onion and to allow you to gain a better mindset. Part of that work is to dig deep and understand why you are the way you are.
In coaching, we're all about taking action. While the stories are powerful, relevant, and worth the work, that's not where we are focused. We look at what gets in the way and offer solutions and strategies to move forward. Action is key in coaching.
To that point, I want to make clear that I believe coaching is a more powerful and quicker solution to overcoming anxiety than therapy alone. I highly encourage going to a therapist concurrently with coaching, but a therapist often is not going to challenge you the way that a coach does. The therapist is all about the client taking their time coming up with answers whereas the coach is eager to add powerful challenges (when appropriate) to move the progress forward.
What I know to be true is that powerful and impactful people are also brave and action-oriented. This demonstrated in what we co-create in our coaching sessions. Also, keep in mind that your brain learns best through experience. I will happily challenge you to face your anxiety. I will encourage you to prove with first-hand experience just how this situation might be overcome by you experiencing a new way of thinking, doing, or being. That is something you just won't get with therapy. So, again, to underline the point, go get a therapist! It is worthwhile! A coach's job works concurrently to make sure there are actions alongside that work.
Relearn your Truth.
Finally, I add in here to relearn your Truth. You see I write Truth with a capital T because there are truths, also called facts, and there are Truths with a capital T, which are principles and higher Truths in life that are beyond opinion and perspective. They are what they are. For example, gravity will never not be a thing. It is just what it is. In these same ways, there are Truths about you that you know at your core, but you may have been blind to because of your upbringing, your beliefs, and your unquestioning belief in something that others hold true for themselves.
Here are some example Truths I would encourage you to relearn:
Each one of us is perfect and unique in our own way.
All experiences are an opportunity for growth.
Now is all there ever is.
We are each a product of our own belief system.
There are certainly more Truths that can be added to this list. Can you think of some Truths with a capital T that are important to you?
I can speak firsthand at the experience of overcoming anxiety. In 2016, I started to have terrible panic attacks that were repeating at an unsustainable frequency. I discussed these in a previous blog. Facing my fears with outside support helped me to overcome my broken thinking so that I wouldn’t face them anymore. These days, anxiety isn’t really a part of my life. When it arises, I know exactly how to deal with it and I don't attach to those thoughts anymore. Why? It is not productive for me and, well, it is what it is.
I am here to support you in this journey if you are truly serious at overcoming anxiety. Please let me know if I can help.
