(I actually started this one before the previous post, but never got around to finishing it.)

Did you know that I am afraid of straight guys? It's not as much that I am afraid of straight guys--I just don't have very many straight guy friends. Why is that, you ask? I really feel I've been socially trained to be like this. Growing up, I found that I didn't relate to guys as much as I did to girls. "Manly" guys weren't into dancing, choir, theater, expressing emotions, and checking out guys in the locker room. So I ran to the girls that were.

My forced interactions with straight men didn't go much of anywhere because they'd always stop on what I'd call a "Kill Me Now topic." These are things such as:

  • Sports

  • Talking about women as objects

  • Talking about women as sexual objects

  • Flatulence

  • Faggots

  • Rock and roll

  • Cars

  • ...that time we played hoops together (obviously, I wasn't there)

Anytime I'd talk with straight guys, these topics would come up and I'd get SO bored. I quickly learned that I didn't have anything in common with straight guys. WHAT THE HELL USE ARE THEY TO ME?!?

I was not a very good RA to the males on my floor because I didn't know how to handle them. I was like, "uh, guys like it when they're not talked to in a feminine way, right? Yeah. Okay. I'll just ignore them." Oops. I know better now. I can actually interact with guys, though I still don't get super close.

Okay, I just had a lightbulb moment. I think I know the real issue. I think it's less that I am afraid of straight guys and more that I am sensitive to what others think. Because I am so sensitive to what other people think and don't want to make others uncomfortable, I react to any straight guy that shows the slightest discomfort to me being/acting gay. If they are intimidated or insecure about gayness (or me), then I walk away because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. I should probably stick to my guns and talk to them anyway. Show them there's nothing to be afraid of. Hmmm...