Just say no
I have a client. Let's call her Amanda.
Like many of you reading this, Amanda is a high-achieving hard worker with a full schedule and a full life. She accomplishes what she sets out to do, people find her work to be stellar, and she continuously impresses her colleagues because of her dedication and work ethic.
She’s a powerhouse!
And yet, she distinctly feels overwhelmed and discombobulated. Something's not right.
She can't exactly place it but she knows that something is amiss.
I feel for people like her. She's simply doing what she knows how to do which is to impress and perform. It's just unfortunate that these habits have a dark side! They put her into a place where she's unhappy and unable to live the life she desires.
She's also not alone. This is a very common situation amongst overachievers. We’re superheroes when it comes to productivity, but our Kryptonite is often OVERachieving. Ugh.
Fortunately, I have 3 quick tips that will change this now and forever.
Define your boundaries….now.
Most entry level jobs are hourly. As a result, supervisors are quite aware of your hours and your financial burden. You’re asked to work only as much as they can afford. God forbid you go into overtime!!
As soon as you move into the world of salary, all bets are off. At some level, you get to decide your own hours. There are no firm boundaries as to when work begins or ends. You also have to live with the world of comparison: you're compared against your co-workers. If they're staying after hours and you are not, what is that implying about you and your work? 🙄
It's not fair but it also is the reality. And that's just the beginning.
Your desire to please is also detrimental here. Overachievers tend to be good students and are commonly people pleasers. While there are benefits to being a people pleaser (lots of praise!), this habit tends to also encourage endless hours of work.
Unless you have a clear set of boundaries in place, you will by default exceed what is healthy. Without a doubt. Therefore, if you want your boundaries respected, you first have to set some boundaries.
Here’s assignment one: what time will you show up to work and what time will you leave? Choose it. And then stick with it.
Keep in mind: this is your LIFE we’re talking about here. You don’t get a second chance at it. So be firm about what your limits are.
And, especially for you entrepreneurs out there, you will have to stick to your own rules. You only answer to yourself, ultimately.
Say no. Say nah. Say nope.
The reality is, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you're saying yes to too many things. (That could even mean you’re saying yes to working alone instead of hiring help!)
It is up to you to learn where to say no. So ask yourself, what is it you can say no to?
What activities each week are mandatory?
What activities are optional?
What activities are complete time-wasters?
Assignment two: complete an exercise in time logging. This might be journaling all of your activities for a week or two so that you have a real idea of what you use your time on and how much of your time actually is being used appropriately.
A good exercise here is to say no once per day in each role of your life (boss, wife, mom, community) in a place you wouldn't normally say no. Do that for at least 21 days to build a habit, and then re-evaluate. I promise if you stick with this, you will start to see benefits. They will likely happen quicker than you realize too!
Importantly, saying no tends be a win/win: I’ve found it tends to have much less impact on others and a much more positive impact on you than you would guess initially.
Reality check each day.
Finally, each day you should evaluate what is most important to accomplish for that day. If you are a busy busy busy person, you may not be knocking out what truly matters each day. Instead, you may just be putting out fires, which don't allow you to make progress on what truly is important. That's why I suggest a daily planning session at the beginning of your day for 15 to 30 minutes before you start doing other things in your day. Here’s what to do:
First, look at everything on your calendar for the day. How much of it is strictly necessary? If it is all built-in how it needs to be, then move to the next step.
Second, calculate how much of your work time is currently free and unscheduled. Is it one hour? If so, place no judgment on it. Just make sure you have a real idea of your available time.
Look at all of the to do list items that are on your master to-do list and make sure you understand what they are. Hopefully they're sorted. (If they're not, that's for another blog.)
Based on how much time is available for your day, plug in what is realistically possible. So, let’s say you only have one hour available. For me, that might mean I can only accomplish three tasks. Therefore, in that one-hour time period, I would aim to accomplish those three tasks and then, importantly, have no guilt about not accomplishing anything else.
Do this each and every workday morning so that way you are really getting done what needs to get done versus getting done what is urgent, but not important. If you're out of alignment, this often means you are doing the things that appear to be important, but aren't really important.
In Conclusion
If you follow these three suggestions, you will see a world of difference and you’ll see it very quickly. I often find that when clients work with me, it is some version of the plan above that we execute. I continue to be shocked how quickly things change for them. Real accountability and change is possible when you put your mind to it.
If you're desiring to look at what that might be for you, set up some time with me.
