I just read an article where our favorite showgirl might be getting a TV pilot based off of her website ask-elizabeth. It scared me to think that she was giving advice, so I decided to check it out. Here's the opening letter (with my interpretations in parentheses):

Hi, girls (and gays)!

This site is made with love for you!!! You are here in this world to shine your light (vagina) and share your special gifts (vagina) that make you who you are (vagina). I wanted to create a safe place for you to feel heard (hard? sp.), to feel seen (I'm a celebrity!), and to get the help you need to be and feel your best (and learn how to dance--JAZZ HANDS!)! You are not alone (until you've stripped completely in a movie)... We are in this life together (assuming your parents don't mind that I can do the helicopter while being filmed)! There are moments in life when we feel like we are losing our way (I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so......scared!) and Ask-Elizabeth (not your parents) is here to help you remember!!! (assuming you already knew at one point, cuz if you didn't, we can't help you)

xo (Jessie Spano.......I mean,) Elizabeth